Keeping a quite heart…..

Posted: June 30, 2009 in Random thoughts/blogs

Lately, my life had an almost unbearable cacophony created by the fervid and obstinate circumstances that have crossed my way. The things that have been happening to me now seem like an enigma that I can’t seem to decipher. Everything has been too much to for me to bear. The struggles are much too overwhelming and i am afraid that this strife is still yet the beginning of a hundred raging, hungry storms that are yet to come. It seems that the mountain that the mountain I’m climbing has no end, the hall that I am traversing seems endless and that cave that I am lurking in seems to be unceasing. The great wall that has blocked my journey towards finding the real meaning of my life seems impervious and too strong for my abilities. The carnage has left me in bondage and even though it’s hard to admit, I’m losing it…..

quite heart

The past has made me credulous. I have grown up in a world full of social dogma made up of dark and twisty lies. Knowing the truth in Christ, I gained this confidence that I could eventually break free from all of these. Knowing Him has given me this pristine strength and courage to get lost from this bondage. I tried to be a paragon of what a real Christian should be. I tried to be excellent in all aspects of my life trying to prove what wondrous things God has done to me. I played my cards well, fought hard and tried to win every game that life has to offer, struggled for perfection until I realized that what I have been fighting for is getting me nowhere because I have  been selfish and my motivation has not been pointing towards Him. The battle has made me decrepit, inimical and irascible. I thought being an erudite would be the key but I realized that I was only a dilettante when it comes to such matters. The battle had rendered me futile. I became a misanthrope. The more I look at myself in the mirror, the more my reflection becomes hazy and blurry. The more I looked at it closer, the more I see somebody else’s life. What had happened to the woman He had saved from chains? I hated myself and I tried to find the answers on what the world has to give, indulging myself in the petty wrong things. But still I felt empty and I hated myself all the more because I had my soul enslaved by the world’s chicanery.

I guess I struggled too hard and I realized that it wasn’t really the way God wanted me to fight it. He wanted to fight the battle for me. He wanted to take up my cross and leave it all to Him. He wanted to carry me when I was beaten and when I was down on bended knee. He wanted me to keep a quite heart but then again I refused because I wanted to prove something and now what a mess I have made of myself.

God’s message to me these past few weeks was plain and simple- to keep a quite heart.
He is totally in control of everything. A very simple statement yet it never felt so real to me than now. Probably, the reason why a lot of people are suffering emotionally and spiritually these times is that we are not trusting God. Instead we trust on our earthly luxuries, assets and on our selves. We are living in an adulterated world where it’s hard to trust somebody you do not see. But hey, this is faith!

God wanted me to relax and chill a bit and enjoy every waking moment of my life. He didn’t want me to bustle into the busy streets for He knows now hard and painful it would be for me. It’s really not important that we don’t understand the things that are happening right now. We should instead bear in mind that He knows and He understands. We just have to redirect our focus on Jesus.

Our huge problem could never be as enormous and gigantic as our GOD!
When we are untrusting, we worry too much. We get totally upset of the awful things that are happening until it eventually eats us up. Obeying God’s word is a whole lot better than worrying and bombarding Him questions like “God, why is this happening to me? What does this suppose to mean?” God has His reasons and whatever those reasons may be; they always work out for the best. We might not understand it, but isn’t it quite plain and explicit that our business is on obeying Him rather than wasting our precious times trying to fathom the riddle behind our problems.

Worrying will lead you to nothing. Worrying is not part of God’s good, pleasing and perfect will for you. But one thing is sure about worrying- it would lead to the existence of wrinkles on your forehead (you wouldn’t want to have one of those).

Rest your body just like a leaf floating on a vast, placid sea.
Rest your soul to a mighty and all-knowing God of peace.
Rest your heart to God and be free!


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